I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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