My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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