dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
