I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
