You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My bed smells like the plague
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
