so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So. Much. Porn.
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