sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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