i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
