Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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