last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He kissed a someone with a penis
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
