Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
