I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just had sex bonerless
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
