she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize