he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is the high leading the old right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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