Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
