yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
