Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
