Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
