God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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