when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Come share oat with me in your robe
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
