so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
