Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
