what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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