drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
