You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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