her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
