There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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