Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
