I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
