Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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