i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
