OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
