If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i dont even know how to be here
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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