ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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