I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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