You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
