just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
