if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
