i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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