Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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