She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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