All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
