so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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