Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
