Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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