mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
