I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
