no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
