Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
