You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
