never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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