Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
