and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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