I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
