A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
