I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
