Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
