It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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