You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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