"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
