I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
