I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
