I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize