yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
