If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
