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1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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