i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
