2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
