I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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