dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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