Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
