I want to have your abortion
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
