she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
