im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
