Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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