Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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