No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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